How North is South?

My baby sister Kathy came home to SC for a visit this week. She moved up to Baltimore last spring with her Yankeloid husband Chris. She's adjusting well, but says she misses "The South".

Chris commented that Maryland is a Southern state, after all. To that I say, "Bull Feathers!" Chris claimed that since Maryland is south of the Mason-Dixon, that makes it Southern. I think that the Mason Dixon isn't the say-all, end-all about which states are Southern and which are not. So, if not the MD line, what are the parameters?

• Well, y'all . . . "Y'all" for starters. I think if you don't hear it at least once a day, you aren't in the South.
• Kudzu. Known as "the heaps" in Alabama, it is really the national plant for Southerners. If we could only figure out how to fry it, we'd be in business.
• Barbecue. It isn't a verb. It's cuisine. Mustard based, tomato based, vinegar based, whatever. Pig. We serve it at wedding receptions, we serve it at family reunions, we protect the secret sauce recipes with a Smith & Wesson.
• Grits. Shrimp 'n Grits, Cheese Grits, Grits with butter, even Grit & Collard Casserole. You'd be surprised.
• Duke's Mayo. Gotta have the Duke.
• Maybe I need to move on from the food category. This could go on all day.
• Heat + humidity. Notice how the population of the South about quadruplified when air conditioning was invented?
• Manners. Yes, ma'am, our mamma's taught us right. Bless their hearts.
• The beach. It's where we go for summer vacation. Not the shore, we go to the beach! The water is warm, the sand is hot, and the boiled peanuts are by our sides.
• Sweet tea. If you order tea in a restaurant, it comes sweetened. If you ask for unsweetened tea, they bring it to you with a spoon in it along with a pack of Sweet 'n Low. If you order it unsweetened in a BARBECUE restaurant, they look at you funny.
• Football - - high school and college, thank you very much. We're just learning the pro stuff. Go to Death Valley (Clemson) for a game sometime. Words cannot describe!
• How we deal with Snow. We buy bread. We close schools. If schools are called off even before the first flake hits the ground, honey, you ARE in the South.
• Attitude. More than language, more than accents, more than food - - Southern is an attitude.

What else, y'all? Leave some comments and let me know what I left out!

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